Time. I hate time. It's awful. Remember the episode of Seinfeld when Kramer decides to never wear a watch or look at a clock? I wish that is how we all operated. Time drives us crazy. Schedules restrain us. It causes stress. Both my mom and Zac are incredibly jumpy at the airport until they get through security. Am I the only person in the world who doesn't get stressed at the airport? You can be as stressed as you want, but it's not going to make the check in line move any faster. It's not going to make the security line go any faster. This is what time does to us and if I had my way I'd do away with time.
Time moves way too fast. THAT is what irritates me the most about time. J turned 8 months old on Wednesday. I nearly had a panic attack. My baby is almost 1, I've been out of high school for 10 years, moved away from Illinois 13 years ago, been married 4 years, been with Zac 5 years, and been out of college for 6 years. My grandmother passed away 6 years ago too. Can you believe July is almost over?
Zac's job takes up way too much of his time. I complain about his job and I will always complain about it when I feel it treats him unfairly. I will never feel guilty about it. I will never feel guilty about missing my husband. Janet misses her father. I may hate time, but it is precious and the time he spends at home is priceless. You never know if tomorrow will come.
I was in Oswego for over a week and ever since we left in 1996 it isn't easy to leave. Every time I go there I realize that no matter what Oswego will ALWAYS be my home. Even when my parents move back to Clear Lake Oswego will still be home. I miss it so much. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss walking among Chicago sports fans. I miss Chicago!! I miss everything about it. I've never told anyone this, but the night before I return to Texas I always cry myself to sleep. If the cost of living in Houston wasn't so reasonable we'd be back up there in a heart beat. You really can't beat the cost of living in Houston. I am very blessed that Zac can be the only one bringing in the money and we can live very well on it. In Chicago both of us would have to work. I'd have to work at least part time.
We went to visit my grandma at the cemetery. On her grave stone we taped a picture of Janet in my arms. It was the very first time I held her. I remember kneeling next to Grandma at her wake, promising her that no matter what my first daughter would be named Janet. If the guy I was with didn't agree I wouldn't be with him. But I think about it and even if she was still alive I would have named Janet after her.
I blink my eyes and my baby girl gets bigger and bigger. I love her more than anything else in this world, including the Cubs. I say that a lot and the people closest to me knows that is a big deal. The Cubs trumped everyone and everything, including Zac! But not my baby girl. I'll never get over how my priorities changed the minute I became pregnant. My life revolves around her. Her needs and wants go above us. I'm hungry and make lunch, but then J decides she is hungry. Oh well! I put my needs aside and feed her. We only have clean dishes because she needs clean bottles!
Being a mom is incredibly stressful and hard. I wouldn't exchange it for anything in this world. Even if the Chicago Tribune came to me and said they would give me the Cubs in exchange for Janet I would say no. Janet is my life. Janet is my world. Nothing beats the look she gives me when I go into her room in the morning. Nothing beats her reaching up her arms for me to pick her up. Nothing beats her "hugging" me. Nothing beats knowing the fact that my voice and touch can calm her down. I swore my daughters would never be princesses or divas. Well, Janet is a princess, diva, and drama queen.
I guess I'm just babbling. I could have just said Janet is 8 months old and I love her more than anything. Words won't be able to ever express my feelings for my baby girl.