Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Now I Need To Vent A Lot

I don't even know where to begin.

Guess what. When I have free time I am going to be so selfish about it and use it as me time. I feel bad as it is neglecting things, but fuck!! I am really stressed and overwhelmed. I'm my best friend's matron of honor next month and I know I've been a bad one. I haven't been responding to emails and texts lately. When I get time to sit down and think I get selfish!! I surf the net, I catch up on my DVR, read the news or I take a nap. After Janet goes to bed I spend time with my husband since that's the only time we get by ourselves.

When I have free time I don't want to do shit. I don't want to do work. I don't want to think.

I am so frustrated!! I think everything will be okay on Monday after Janet's party. Shit, I've even been neglecting that!!! I just realized I have so much to do for it.

Is it so wrong of me to be selfish with my free time? I don't have time to think of others it seems. I have time to think of Janet and when she's sleeping I think of me.

Also, I'm not sacrificing my sleep at night. With a sleeping disorder I can't. I have to get 7-8 hours of sleep. So no I won't stay up later. I will not cut down on my sleep. Sleep is sacred when you're a parent.

I just want to escape!! Also, I hate hormones.

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