Need To Vent A Little

I thought it would be boredom that would get to me. I don't have time to be bored. There is always something to do. It's loneliness that is getting to me. I feel so lonely. It doesn't help that I have social anxiety. It's not like I want to go out and do stuff. I wouldn't mind even just hanging out at home with other adults.

I love staying at home with Janet. I'm so incredibly lucky to be able to stay with her, but there are so many times I feel like she is my only friend. I'm feeling left out. I love it when she takes a nap because then I can get more chores finished, but it's also when it really sinks in how lonely I feel. Man, I used to be totally okay without anyone in my life. I loved being alone. But since Janet came along I feel the need of having adults in my life.

I want to be involved. I am so jealous of Zac because he gets to go to work everyday. I never thought I'd ever say that. He gets to escape. He gets to go to work and talk to friends. He gets to spend time with adults!!

I wish family lived nearby. It would be easier to escape with them around. I wouldn't feel as guilty to ask them to come over and watch Janet while Zac and I did stuff.

But in the end Janet's needs and wants trump mine. I'm shocked how I've been able to put me second. I used to think I couldn't be a parent because I am very selfish. Not anymore!

Shit. This could also be because I'm PMSing and hormones are out of whack.

One Week

Next Sunday Janet turns one. Wow. That's all I can say. WOW.

It is by far the best day of my life. I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew I could be so happy. I never thought I'd change. Why has God blessed me so much?

Many of my family will say religion has gotten to me or friends have. But they didn't make me change. Janet made me change. Janet gave me a whole new perspective on life. I was always selfish, putting my needs and wants in front of everyone's, including my husband. It was always about me. Me me me me me!!!

Then Janet came along. I'm nowhere near as selfish as I used to be. Janet's happiness and well being is my #1 priority. She is my everything. I will stop at nothing to make sure she is comfortable. All of my needs and wants come second. I'm hungry at the same time as Janet. Tough shit. Janet gets fed first.

Janet is my life. Janet is my princess. If Janet is happy, I am happy. If Janet is sad, I am sad.

I wouldn't change it for anything.

Then So Be It........

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and this is my final solution: I really do love Janet more than anyone or anything in this world. Yes, even more than God. If that makes me a bad or fake Christian in your eyes I do not care. Fact is I believe in God. I believe Jesus is our savior and He died on the cross for our sins. Zac is my main spiritual advisor and he has told me everything is between God and me. I don't care what others think of me. I'll answer to God when I die. If you're not going to like me because I'm a hypocrite look in the mirror. At least I will admit I'm not a perfect Christian/Catholic. I admit I have faults. I struggle with my faith everyday. Also, maybe you shouldn't like any Christian unless they are as perfect as God. Do you know any? Yeah, me either.

I could survive without God. I could survive without Jesus. I could survive without Zac, my family, and my friends.

However, I absolutely CANNOT survive without my daughter. Besides, without her, I would have never fully accepted the fact that there is a God. My marriage to Zac really helped pave the way, but Janet sealed the deal. I look at her everyday and am convinced there is a higher being. I don't know how else I managed to get so lucky to have her as my daughter.

If I lost Janet you might as well lock me up in an asylum. My heart aches from all the love I feel for her. There is so much love there my heart can't contain it. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. She's my greatest accomplishment. She is my life. A life without Janet is not worth living.

So there you have it. You don't like it, oh well. It's between God and me. You want to call me a hypocrite or a bad Christian because of this then seriously look in the mirror because I highly doubt you are also a perfect Christian.

Life Without Janet?

The case of Jaycee out in California really had me thinking. Would I be able to survive without Janet? If she was kidnapped I don't know what I would do. I'd be dead to the world. I always thought that since she is a daughter her daddy would be the over protective one, but I don't think that is the case. The maternal instinct in me is so incredibly strong. She is my everything. I look at her in the monitor and the thought of anyone hurting her physically or emotionally brings tears to my eyes. Zac and I have it planned out that her boyfriends think they should be scared of Zac when in reality they should be scared of me.

I read stories of mothers intentionally harming their child. It disturbs me when fathers do it, but there's something about a mother abusing her child. As a mother I am my child's ultimate protector. Mothers should not harm their child. The bond there is indescribable too. I didn't just help create her. I baked and gave birth to her!! I remember I cried when her belly button fell off. That belly button was the last thing that kept us connected physically. It really broke my heart when it fell off.

People ask me why I'm so political all of a sudden. They ask me why I'm not liberal anymore. The ones who are following blindly with all of Obama's plans do not have children. With every bill that is written and every plan being said out loud I see Janet and my future children's futures go down the drain. Anyone with a kid would not approve of these programs and plans. I see their basic freedoms being stripped away. My parents and others tell me it's no use and to stop wasting my energy. I will not go down without a fight. I will not stand by and watch my children's future collapse. I won't tolerate it. I won't do it. At the 9/12 rally in Washington DC a woman was holding a sign that said "An angry mom is worse than an angry mob!" She is right.

Remember A Time To Kill? Yeah, you put a hand on my daughter I'll go Samuel L. Jackson on your ass.

I'm Disgusted

Yes I read and watch Fox News. Yes I read conservative blogs and papers. Guess what! I also read and watch CNN. I also read liberal blogs and papers!! I really do enjoy getting both sides of the story. I just hardly post them because I don't agree with them. Since I prefer to get my news from Fox I don't think for myself. I don't get it. Aren't these people being hypocrites? The other news sources report the news the exact same way Fox does, just with a different angle. So, how is that we who prefer Fox News don't think for themselves, but those who watch CNN do? Um, what?

I've had it. I am sick of playing nice and respecting other people's views and opinions when they trash my own. I'm sick of being told to think for myself when I think the others don't, yet I don't say a God damn thing because that is THEIR RIGHT to have their opinion. You want to watch CNN or read The New York Times? Great! Good for you! You have that right! I don't care. Just don't bash me on my news source because it's different from yours.

I remember growing up and there was an emphasis on being yourself. Don't go with what the majority want if you don't want to. I was with the majority on Bush and got along so well with my liberal friends. My friends who were Bush supporters didn't treat me any different. My entire family, even all the in-laws, are Republicans and Bush supporters. They didn't bash my views or opinions at all. I didn't do it to them either. But now that I disagree with the liberals I've been handed a scarlet letter. It's really sad that it comes to this. The liberals forgot how much we got along, but disagree with them, you all of a sudden have leprosy. They don't want anything to do with you. If you are even a little different from them they don't want you around. My conservative friends embraced me even though we disagree on many topics.

Yet I'm still pretty liberal with social issues. But since I don't agree with them on everything anymore we can't get along. I read links that my liberal friends post and I read the comments. I refrain from saying anything because I value their opinion and view. That is what makes America great. We can disagree with the government and each other. We're allowed to have our own individual personality.

Honestly, this really does make me sad. It makes me so sad that we can't embrace each other's different opinions. All of my best friends voted for Obama and as much as I disagree with them I don't say shit. Like I didn't say shit to the Bush supporters.

I have great liberal friends who do respect my opinion and this post is not directed towards you. Quinn and Erika, even though I disagree with you I am so glad we've been able to be respectful towards each other and treat each other like adults. You listen to my arguments and I listen to yours. We know we won't change the other's mind, but we still listen.

America is wonderful mainly because of free speech. I treasure the 1st amendment almost as much as I do the 10th.

I know I have lost my temper and I hate it when I do, but those who know me know I only do that when I am extremely pissed off. I try to follow Thomas Jefferson's advice: When you're angry count to 10. If you're really angry count to 100. Sometimes I just can't do it. I'm human.

I'm not a rebel. I don't think I am because I disagree with the MSM or the government. I can't believe how sad this is making me feel. I'm really losing hope in humanity when we bash people for their opinions. I refuse to cut off friendships with people because of their views. Another great Thomas Jefferson quote: I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. Yet now I do feel like doing it. My views and pessimism make people puke, yet my views and pessimism with previous administrations didn't.

If you want to defriend me for this post go ahead. I just can't bring myself not to defriend someone over a difference of opinion. Just quit bashing where I get my news from. I don't do it to you. I don't go to your page and litter it with insults. Just be respectful no matter how much you disagree, especially to my other friends.

Democrat? Republican? NEITHER!

Is it really a cop out when people like me declare that we are not Democrat, not Republican, not liberal, or not conservative. It's wrong to think for myself? It's wrong for me not to join a group? If you disagree with one of those parties they shun you. God forbid you disagree with them on anything. You see how the Democrat Party are treating the Blue Dog Democrats. Ouch! I don't want to belong to a group that pressures you to think and act like they do.

Democrats won't touch me because I'm pro-life. Republicans won't touch me because I'm all for gay rights. Democrats won't touch me because I do not want big government. Republicans don't necessarily want big government, but lately they've been wanting enough government to make me uncomfortable so they don't want me either.

Good. I don't want any part of either of them.

I'm a Libertarian. I'll say it over and over again too. I AM A LIBERTARIAN! Yes I do lose my temper when people call me a right wing nutjob, conservative, or Republican. I'm sick of it. The people who are calling me out seem to forget the fact that a year ago from today we were agreeing. It's amazing how people easily forget that. Ask anyone close to me. They know I would rail against Bush in a heart beat.

Hang My Head

Once again I feel the need to tell everyone that I am a LIBERTARIAN. Just because I am siding with those against the health care bill does not mean I'm a Republican. It does not mean I'm on the right wing. It does not mean I'm conservative. It also doesn't mean I'm anti-reform! I am anti-H.R.3200 - America's Affordable Health Choices Act of 2009.

*Shakes Head*

I'm not a member of either party for one main reason: THEY SUCK. If you do not agree with every single issue on them they push you away. I encourage you all to go to their website, www.lp.org, and find out more about being a Libertarian. I've posted this before, but I'm doing it again.

The Libertarian Option:

• Substantially reduce the size and intrusiveness of government and cut all taxes.
• Let peaceful, honest people offer their goods and services to willing consumers without a hassle from government.
• Let peaceful, honest people decide for themselves what to eat, drink, read, or smoke and how to dress, medicate themselves, or make love, without fear of criminal penalties.
• The U.S. government should defend Americans and their property in America and let the U.S. taxpayer off the hook for the defense bill of wealthy countries like Germany and Japan.

Since health care is a hot topic issue, here is the Libertarian view on it: We favor restoring and reviving a free market health care system. We recognize the freedom of individuals to determine the level of health insurance they want, the level of health care they want, the care providers they want, the medicines and treatments they will use and all other aspects of their medical care, including end-of-life decisions.

(I'm going to do this in segments. The bill is 1018 pages and I don't have time to air out all my grievances with the bill)

The way the bill is worded now, in just a few years, everyone will be on the government plan. Section 102: Protecting The Choice To Keep Current Coverage

(a) Grandfathered Health Insurance Coverage Defined- Subject to the succeeding provisions of this section, for purposes of establishing acceptable coverage under this division, the term ‘grandfathered health insurance coverage’ means individual health insurance coverage that is offered and in force and effect before the first day of Y1 if the following conditions are met:

(1) LIMITATION ON NEW ENROLLMENT-CommentsClose CommentsPermalink

(A) IN GENERAL- Except as provided in this paragraph, the individual health insurance issuer offering such coverage does not enroll any individual in such coverage if the first effective date of coverage is on or after the first day of Y1.
So if you get a new job and they offer health insurance through a private company you CANNOT TAKE IT. So your CHOICE is taken away. If you do not have insurance when this bill is passed you HAVE to take the government plan.

(b) Grace Period for Current Employment-based Health Plans-CommentsClose CommentsPermalink

(1) GRACE PERIOD-CommentsClose CommentsPermalink

(A) IN GENERAL- The Commissioner shall establish a grace period whereby, for plan years beginning after the end of the 5-year period beginning with Y1, an employment-based health plan in operation as of the day before the first day of Y1 must meet the same requirements as apply to a qualified health benefits plan under section 101, including the essential benefit package requirement under section 121.
SCARY! So 5 years after this bill begins all companies must conform to the government model. The entire thing. If they do this then why bother paying for it? We might as well get the government plan. That means the private companies will go under and where does that lead us? TO A SINGLE PAYER SYSTEM!!

What if I don't want the government plan? As a Libertarian I am all for free markets. But like I said the way the bill is written now this will not happen. I want to keep my CHOICE.

I'll post more later. But please read the bill for yourself! http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h3200/text